It seems like everywhere I look, I'm bombarded with things that make me look at myself and wonder if I'm measuring up. Movies, TV, magazines, the lives of friends, coworkers, etc. No matter where I look, I am fed this constant barrage of input that makes me question my worth, my value, my significance, my confidence. And I've had enough. I'm tired of the world dictating to me who I am, what I'm worth and how I should act. So instead, I've been going to my Creator and asking Him my worth, my value, my significance and I've been finding my confidence in Him. And it's changing me from the inside. I'm at peace, comfortable in my own skin, in my weaknesses and my strengths. I am walking confidently forth in what He has set before me. But that doesn't mean that the enemy is going to let me slide.
Although I may have given up this little game, he hasn't. Because it is my weakness, he is using it to attack me, to attack my teaching and my passion for kids. It's not even in big, significant things at work; it's miniscule things, that in the large scheme of what we are doing, don't really matter. Right now, I'm being compared to another teacher, as though I'm not measuring up or doing enough for my students. Over the last two years, I've been compared to the previous special education teacher, as though once again, I'm not good enough. Sadly, I've let it get to me over the last couple of years...but this time, no! I'm finally seeing it for what it is...the comparison game from the enemy to attack me. And I'm not going to have it!
But it's not just about me and my fight against measuring up. I'm realizing that for the person who is making the comments where I feel like I'm compared to others, well, maybe it's coming from something deeper. I know for me, when I look at others and sit there and compare myself (I'm my own worst critic...and I'm stopping that game too!), it is usually coming from insecurity or jealousy or of a deeper desire for something more, something I don't have. I'm not saying that's the case for this person, maybe it's just the words hit that deep root in me that needs to be removed. My coworker may have the best of intentions, and I'm just letting her words be used as an arrow to compare. So maybe instead of letting this comparison game frustrate me and cause me to roll my eyes, I need to be praying. Possibly lifting my coworker up to my Creator and allowing Him to work in this situation and through her words. I mean really, if I'm giving up this game then I'm simply giving it to Him. And the beauty of that?....well....He's already won. In Him is victory....for both my coworker and myself.
You see, God's truth is really all that matters. He doesn't compare me to anyone else. He made me just as I am, weaknesses, stubbornness and all. And He loves me. His truth reigns over me....I am His masterpiece (Eph. 2:10), I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and I am created by Him and it is good (1 Timothy 4:4).
I'm learning to let go of insecurity, doubt, and depression because I'm simply not playing that comparison game anymore. I'm letting His truth wash over me and I'm finding peace, joy, a prayerful heart, and a desire to live fully for Him. So instead of playing this game from the enemy, I'm going to go to my Creator in prayer and allow Him to work His magic and let His glory be known...so that in the end, the students reap the benefit of a unified team of teachers who love them. Cause the comparison game just ain't my thang!