Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Change is challenging

As I sit here and eat a coconut cookie (happy find in Brasil!), I am just pondering all the changes that I've been through in the last 11 days. Wait!!!  (Cookie frozen in mid-air to my mouth!)  Has it really only been 11 days???!!!  Sure feels like a lot longer than that!  Eleven days is like a short vacation to see family in California or Christmas Break.

In 11 days, I've moved from the states to a country I had never been to.  Started at a job that had no foundation to start from.  Ventured to Walmart for supplies...like a skillet and real butter.  Yes, I cook with real butter.  And it's delicious.  Don't fault me.  That's why I walk a mile to work.  For that butter, or that slice of bread.  Justification done thankyouverymuch.  Ordered pão de queijo on my own.  Seen a movie with Portuguese subtitles.  Visited a McDonald's, Brazilian buffet, and a Mexican restaurant (not all at once...and hey...we like food out here! I think I'll toast that with another cookie).  Started a Portuguese class.  And settled into a routine at home and work.  In all of this, it is easy to try to rely upon my own strengths and skills, but what I am finding is that with all of this change, I am having to rely upon God even more. 

I may seem like I can handle all of this, but really, emotionally I am tired.  I don't handle change all that well to begin with.  So now throw all of this new stuff at me, not to include the difference in language and constant dependence upon others to translate for me, I'm now hitting that point of asking "what have I done?!"

And to top it off, I have lived the life of luxury and had instant communication access to any one of my friends and family members for the last number of years...but now, I only have internet at work.  And let's face it....I'm so busy doing my job that I don't take advantage of the quick email or facebook stalking like I used to.  So instead of instant internet gratification, I have five-minute snippets before or after work, or on the rare breaks I can find.  Even calling family has it's challenges with the time difference.   My roommate and I were even so internet/connection deprived that we were going to venture to work on Sunday but the power was out at the school (common occurrence during storms here). 

Life without the constant connection to people has opened my eyes up to how much time I spent just facestalking browsing facebook, gazing at pintrest, sending random ridiculous text messages to Alisha (just so you know Alisha....I miss that so very very much!!), reading the news, etc. etc. etc.

I began to rely upon those connections.  Began to rely upon people.  Along the way, I lost my reliance upon God.  And now, faced with all of these changes and the inability to call friends up right away and talk it all through or to vent through a series of text messages, I am re-learning to depend upon God.  Honestly, it's hard...but it shouldn't be.  It should be something that I do all the time, in every situation and circumstance.  But I tend to be very independent and I choose to rely upon myself and others instead of the One who created me.  So what does God do to get my attention?  Put me in those places that are so uncomfortable, with no way of reaching out to those who are familiar, all so that I will turn to Him and rely upon Him.  I'm learning this lesson the hard way.  It's painful and it's a slow process with me, but I'm learning. 

Maybe by the time we have internet set up at home, I will have learned this process and the need for instant communication gratification will have subsided and I won't feel the need for it as much.  Will I still want it...probably, yes....but my prayer is that I will not depend upon it to fill that void.  That instead I will depend upon God and choose Him as my refuge and my strength through all of these changes and challenges.

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