Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Feet to Faith

Sitting in a foster/adoption class is a scary thing.  Sitting here as a single female...terrifying, yet exhilarating.  This may not be how I envisioned this all going down, but I'm sitting here nonetheless.  If I were to be transparent with ya'll, I had this pretty picture of my husband and I taking this adventure together, with our 3.5 children ready for new siblings, and our dog happily chasing squirrels in the front yard near the white picket fence.  But that's not what life has dished out to me; and instead of wasting more years playing the waiting game, I'm finally putting feet to faith and to my dreams.

And so here I sit.  Single.  Almost 36 (just three more days at 35...sigh).  With a cat who uses the wall as a trampoline.  And wondering how I wound up in a training class when I thought it was simply an informational class on foster care and adoption.  Must be God's sense of humor! HA!

Do I think this is an ideal situation?  Nope.

Do I want to do this alone?  Nope.

Do I have all the necessary tools and qualifications?  Nope.

Do I have an open heart and home?  Yes.  A resounding yes.

Am I willing?  Yes...by God's strength.

So here I am, venturing out beyond the shores into the tumultuous ocean waves of the unknown.  But I am willing and that is all He asked of me.  As Peter walked out onto the water, so I am stepping out.

Will I be perfect?  Not in the slightest.

Will I fail?  Every single day/moment.

Am I willing?  Yes, even in my weakness, I am willing.

There are kids out there in need of consistent, Godly love, and my heart is ready.  Will it break?  In a million pieces for these kids every single day.  But I am willing to be broken to give out what God has poured into me.

"Love isn't about how much money someone's willing to lay down for you, but about how much life they're willing to lay down for you."
~Ann Voskamp
"Pour out your life in small moments - because it's only these moments that add up to the monumental.  The only way to live a truly remarkable life is not to get everyone to notice you, but to leave noticeable marks of His love everywhere you go."
~Ann Voskamp
I'm not doing this for the accolades or the attention.  I will probably wind up with more gray hairs, dark circles under my eyes, bruises on my knees from constant prayer and a heart that is broken again and again by the pain these kids have experienced.  That sure doesn't sound attractive, and will probably put me on the "do not go near her list, she's too complicated and that gray hair is out of control" ...which means I may remain single.  HA!  And in all reality, this act of faith may not come to fruition for another year or so....which means those pesky gray hairs can stay in hiding a little longer.
But really, all God asked of me was if I was willing. 
Yes.  Yes I am.  So here I am...feet to faith.
"Real love is in the really small gestures - the way your hands, your feet, move to speak your heart."
~Ann Voskamp

1 comment:

Christel louise said...

Oh my goodness to see this today & just look at who is in a relationship. I think God does have his way of doing things & it is great to see you living the life He has given you!!!